2 posts tagged “america's next top model”

8:03 - "Does giving bad tips make you a bad friend...or a good competitor?" - Bianca

8:05 - Bianca is not going to be anyone she's not.  She's apparently a bitch.

8:06 - Miss J's Fashion Madhouse - staged set or actual location in Miss J's mind?  They have to wear a straight jacket and "work it".  Miss J : "It's important to use your legs."  Well, amputees could have told me that.

8:10 - Bianca thinks Saliesha looks too commercial, and her own face is very special.  What Bianca doesn't know is that I want to call her Brandy.  Dude looks like Brandy, for reals.  OMG - a total revelation - Except for running over that dude, maby Bianca IS Brandy.  She's like the cracked-out that Brandy would have been.  Her evil twin. 

Saliesha does kind of look like an African American Carrie Underwood.

8:11  - "Don't let the red hair fool you bitches.  I can be high fashion." - Bianca  Well, it certainly worked for Karen Elson.

8:23 - Bizarro big-hair fashion show.  And the winner is...Saliesha.  Surprise, surprise.  Geez people, she said she was going to win.

8:24 - Jaslene's commercial.  Stilted tranny.  She proves it to me every week.  When Queen Latifah is more feminine than you, it's pretty bad.

8:28 - Matthew Jordan Smith shoots the girls climbing walls in couture.  Saliesha is a "model on a wire".

8:30 - Bianca looks "forced".  Stilted like Jaslene.

8:34 - Okay, I just couldn't keep watching after this point.  I wanted to poke pencils in my ears from listening to Bianca talk.  I'll come back at the end of the show and tell who won.

8:55  - It's down to Bianca and Kimberly.  Since the makeover show is next week, and Bianca's a total bitch with red crazy hair, she's totally staying.  Bye-bye Kimberly.

8:59 - And I'm totes right.  Sorry Kim, but you need a back story.  Maybe if you had been a former sexual assault victim or homeless or just memorably bitchy, but you're not.  You're just another pretty face.  Bon voyage!

8:04 - Heather has autism, but she's pretty.  No-name other girl has been in foster care her whole life.  Typical.

8:06 - Tyra actually has a heart underneath her ginormous rack.  Apparently, the theme of this "cycle" is green.  Tyra wants to save the world, one selfish skinny girl at a time.

8:07 - The girl from Jersey is the first one "skinny-dipping".  But they're still wearing clothes.

8:08 - Tyra impressions.

8:10 - Bianca is apparently a student/stripper from NYC.  Chantal is the homesick white trash girl from the South.

8:10 - ANTM takes a stand against smoking.  The real models of the world are laughing hysterically. "Smoking is really ugly".  But in conjunction with champers and coke, it makes you super-skinny.

8:11 - Mila is laughing at losing her hair from chemotherapy.  Heartless bitch.  She'll totally win.

8:12 - Chantal: "I don't know if anyone in the world has dreamt about this more than I have."  Except the other 2000 girls who tried out for the show.

8:14 - Bianca looks strikingly like Brandi a la Moesha.

8:20 - Bianca looks nasty.  Rotting teeth are gross.

8:21 - Write it down.  Lisa from Jersey is going to be on the cover of Vogue one day.  Mark her words.

8:22 - First fight of the season.  I'm surprised it took so long.  Oooh, Bianca said Lisa isn't going to make it because she's an exotic dancer.  Lisa said if Bianca wants to take it to that f***in' level, she will take it to that f***in level, beeyotch.

8:24 - Models trying to understand autism.  This is pretty funny.  "So, do you see the world a different way than everyone else?"  "It's like she's on a three second delay."  I tend to think Heather has an advantage because she her emotions won't come into play like everyone else's, although the meanness of other will probably make her upset.  I had a friend in our gifted class who had Asperger's, and she was a brilliant artist and computer whiz.

8:32 - Oops.  I was taking the dog out, and I missed the "pick-out-flattering-clothes-from-Old-Navy-in-than-a-reasonable-amount-of-time challenge".

8:26 - Jaslene the Tranny's Cover Girl commercial - It's really amazing that she is still just as fierce and just as stilted as she was a year ago.

8:33 - Everyone wants to a) win, or b) continue in the competition.  Heather calls her mom (who sounds very nice and supportive and sort of like my own mom).

8:39 - First elimination.  Tyra's wig looks good tonight.  I think she's lost a pound or two in her face.  Miss J. looks like one of the cast of Fat Albert.  I can't remember which one.

Chantal - everyone loves the bedroom eyes. 

Jenah - has quit smoking. 

Ambreal - good, wah wah

Victoria - didn't wear a lot of jewelry.  Gorgeous sad shot.  Called Twiggy ma'am.

Lisa the stripper - never, ever going to make the cover of Vogue.  Sorry sweetie.

Mila - is wearing a nasty dress.  Empty face in the pictures.

Sarah - is, according to Tyra, an actress.  Since Tyra played a giant Barbie once, she knows.

Bianca - Tyra says for her to look like

The girl from Bainbridge - okay.  kind of plain.

Ebony - her legs are way skinny.

Kimberly - needs to watch her "hoochiness".  Apparently, "hoochify" is a verb.

Saleisha and Heather - Heather's absolutely beautiful. I love her paleness.  Kind of like Dita von Teese.

The winner is Saleisha, the T-Zone girl, and she gets an Old Navy shopping spree and ad.

8:52 - Nigel says Tyra's "pretty ugly" is the distance of her eyes.

8:54 - Apparently, that was a "controversial photo shoot".  This is a non-smoking cycle.  Is it also a non-drinking cycle?  They needed that with Lisa the crazy drunk from a few cycles ago.

8:56 - Damn it, Janet! That's the girl from GA's name!  I couldn't think of it.

8:57 - It's down to Ebony and Mila.  I think Mila's out because she's slightly fat and a ditz.

8:58 - I'm right.  Mila's parting quote: "If you just concentrate on the positive, the negative will just go away."