Okay, so one of my favorite desert-islands-in-the-middle-of-the-workday, Jezebel.com, apparently tried to fool everyone yesterday and feigned a hostile takeover by Conde Nast(y). Anyway, they changed the comments with the following rules http://jezebel.com/374507/commenting-on-the-new-jezebel:
1. Be nice!
This is not a venue to complain, moan, whine, attack or undermine. We must treat one another civilly. We frown upon critique, cynicism and negative remarks. If you don't have something nice to say, it would be best if you said nothing at all.
2. Contribute!
We appreciate comments which bring information to the conversation. Know of a secret sample sale? Post the time, date and location! Is there a brand new cosmetic procedure we're not covering? Let us know!
3. Be connected!
The new way to be a Star Commenter? It's not about quantity but quality. If you work in a glamor industry: At a glossy fashion or beauty magazine, a cosmetics company, a design label, in television or film, drop us a line at tips@jezebel.com and let us know. You will be given Star Commenter status. This also applies if you are famous or related to someone famous. The idea is to create a network of amazing women who can help each other find Marc Jacobs bags on sale and get free Bumble & Bumble haircuts.
4. Don't be shy: Let's get to know each other!
A screen name doesn't really tell us much about you, so we'd love for each of you to change your screen moniker to your real first name or the woman you consider your personal heroine. And please send a recent picture of yourself to tips@jezebel.com. If you include your clothing size and shoe size, you could be eligible for fashion giveaways. (Plus, you'll be helping our marketing department get a feel for what the "average" reader is like. Sparkling and gorgeous, to be sure!)
5. Be female.
It's lovely and adorable that we have some male readers. This is not, however, an appropriate space for your input. Jezebel will no longer have male commenters.
So, I decided to email the lovely ladies with my Easter picture and the following email (edited so you know what's real):
Hi, Thanks for removing rudeness from the comments. A little decorum never hurt anyone (true, but I love the comments!). Here's my picture to go with the new comment feature. It was taken at our lake house on Easter (my Aunt's house next to the tomato garden). Although vintage Chanel is a bit formal for poolside (true, and it is Chanel), it was the resurrection of the savior, after all, and he wore a crown of thorns, so how can I compete (strangely true)? Note: Easter egg hunts are not the place to wear Stuart Weitzmann pumps (also, sadly true). Also, I'm not in the know of anyone particularly famous, but my friend is the personal assistant of a lovely British model married to a rockstar (only true in my dreams, Jack White). Does that count for stars? Ciao and kisses, new Jezebel!
Today, they posted the best of the emails they received http://jezebel.com/374884/april-fools-yes-it-was-a-joke-duh, and I got on it! How fun! Anyway, here's the picture I sent them:
Happy Belated April Fool's Day, fools!
Okay, here's my Best of 2007. I realized I'm two days late, but I was sick, so get over it. I'm not dissing your favorite band because they're not on here. These songs/albums soundtracked my year and maybe mine alone, so it's just my favorites. Here goes.
Best Songs -
15. The Fratellis - Flathead - From the first time I heard this on an iTunes commercial, I loved it.
14. Babyshambles - Delivery - Oh, Pete Doherty. I'm glad you're somewhat back, although still a druggie.
13. American Wedding - Gogol Bordello
12. Klaxons - Golden Skans
11. The Horrors - She is the New Thing
10. Kanye West - Stronger - Priscilla was dancing to this in the car, and I almost crashed it made me laugh so hard. She had her eyes closed, and she was kicking her feet and waving her head like Stevie Wonder. It was awesome.
9. Paramore - Misery Business - This video came on MTV practically every morning at 8:45 when I lived by myself, and yet, unlike Fergalicious, I never got sick of it and rocked out every time.
8. Modest Mouse - Dashboard - I'm glad Johnny Marr's with them now.
7. Peter Bjorn and John - Young Folks - I doubt there will be a whistling anthem like this for a long, long time.
6. Arcade Fire - Intervention - This was ridiculous live.
5. Howlies - Aluminum Baseball Bat - It's surfy and sweet and tongue-in-cheek, but can you resist it? Note: the drummer, Aaron, is the singer. Don't you love their little wolfie hats?
4. Delta Spirit - People C'mon - I wish you could see them live. They make you think...and dance.
3. Grinderman - No Pussy Blues - It's a bit vulgar, but I've heard it in a bunch of different places, and Nick Cave just does garage/blues absolutely right.
2. Mark Ronson/Kyle Falconer - Valerie - I love the Amy Winehouse version of this, but there's something so right about Kyle from the View singing and just kind of jamming with Mark Ronson.
1. The White Stripes - Little Cream Soda - The lyrics are simple but some of the most profound on their album I think. There's something about not having enough now when all we used to need were small things. Now we have to worry about things that we never dreamed about as children, things our parents never dreamed they would have to worry about.
One, two, three, four!
Well every highway that I go down
Seems to be longer than the last one that I knew about
Oh well
And every girl that I walk around
Seems to be more of an illusion than the last one I found
Oh well
And this old man in front of me wearing canes and ruby rings
And it's like a dang explosion when he sings
And with every chance to set himself on fire,
He just ends up doin' the same thing
Well, each beautiful thing I come across
Tells me to stop moving and shake this riddle off
Oh well
And there was a time when all I wanted
Was my ice cream colder and a little cream soda
Oh well, oh well
And a wooden box and an alley full of rocks
Was all I had to care about
Oh well, oh well, oh well
Now my mind is filled with rubber tires and forest fires
And whether I'm a liar
And lots of other situations
Where I don't know what to do
At which time God screams to me
There's nothing left for me to tell you
Nothing left for me to tell you
Nothing left
Oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well
Top Albums:
10. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Baby 81 - If you know me, you know I broke my foot at their concert, hung out with them and got a signed copy of this album.
9. Manchester Orchestra - I'm Like a Virgin Losing a Child - They're from Atlanta, and I was recommended them by one of the snobby cashiers at Criminal Records, but for once, they were absolutely right. I listen to this when I'm housecleaning.
8. The Kaiser Chiefs - Yours Truly, Angry Mob - I love British pop music, and this album just makes me feel like there are a few people doing something right.
7. Arcade Fire - Neon Bible - I love big spectacles and excess, and I love organs, so yes, I loved this.
6. Carrie Underwood - Carnival - Laugh if you want, but I vacillated about buying this for weeks, and I'm glad I did. I'm a lover of country music, and I can sing along with this in the car and just sob at some of the lyrics without being one bit sorry or embarassed about it. It's not hypocritical, and her vocal range/quality is sick.
5. Artic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare - No, it's not as good as their first album, but the weak songs are made up for by the ones I can listen to over and over.
4. The View - Hats Off to the Buskers - I'm pretty sure this was on my 2006 list too, but it didn't come out in the states until May, so I don't feel bad. I can't be down when this is playing. To quote Thomas, they're "Supertramp meets Meet the Beatles-era Beatles". I'll add "meets the Libertines" to that and it's a pretty accurate description.
3. Mark Ronson et. al. - Version - This is a covers album, but there's nothing wrong with it. It's pretty genius, and after seeing him and the Dap Kings as the house band at the VMA's, I'm convinced that he definitely knows what he's doing.
2. The White Stripes - Icky Thump - Anyone who knows me is probably shocked senseless at putting my favorite band ever at No. 2. This was the year of the White Stripes for me. I love this album. I listen to it several times a week, sometimes every day. I had a White Stripes birthday party. I went with my mom to Birmingham to see them in 100 degree heat. My WS penguin shirt is my favorite tee. I started collecting clippings from magazine and buttons and ticket stubs and stuff. I have a whole box of White Stripes stuff. Heather got me a ticket to the first official Icky Thump concert in Nashville on May 19, and that weekend, my whole life just ...changed. It wasn't religious or anything. I just decided that I didn't have to fit into a musical mold anymore. I can be an absolute White Stripes fanatic and still have showtunes and country music on my iPod, and you know what? It's okay. You can practically play six degrees of the White Stripes with most conversations that I have (and Scott does). I just decided to be myself. And myself likes garage rock and red and white. That's all.
1. Delta Spirit - Ode to Sunshine - I only got this album at their concert in September, and I can't not listen to it. It rocks and it's meaningful, it has a soul and a compass. It makes me feel alive. It's what I needed and what I wanted to represent 2007.
Okay, so I'm going to keep watching it, but I have to say, although she takes amazing pictures, I'm so sick of them exploiting Heather, "the girl with autism". Asperger's is a highly functioning form of autism, but they act as though they're surprised she can even tie her own shoes.
8:03 - "Does giving bad tips make you a bad friend...or a good competitor?" - Bianca
8:05 - Bianca is not going to be anyone she's not. She's apparently a bitch.
8:06 - Miss J's Fashion Madhouse - staged set or actual location in Miss J's mind? They have to wear a straight jacket and "work it". Miss J : "It's important to use your legs." Well, amputees could have told me that.
8:10 - Bianca thinks Saliesha looks too commercial, and her own face is very special. What Bianca doesn't know is that I want to call her Brandy. Dude looks like Brandy, for reals. OMG - a total revelation - Except for running over that dude, maby Bianca IS Brandy. She's like the cracked-out that Brandy would have been. Her evil twin.
Saliesha does kind of look like an African American Carrie Underwood.
8:11 - "Don't let the red hair fool you bitches. I can be high fashion." - Bianca Well, it certainly worked for Karen Elson.
8:23 - Bizarro big-hair fashion show. And the winner is...Saliesha. Surprise, surprise. Geez people, she said she was going to win.
8:24 - Jaslene's commercial. Stilted tranny. She proves it to me every week. When Queen Latifah is more feminine than you, it's pretty bad.
8:28 - Matthew Jordan Smith shoots the girls climbing walls in couture. Saliesha is a "model on a wire".
8:30 - Bianca looks "forced". Stilted like Jaslene.
8:34 - Okay, I just couldn't keep watching after this point. I wanted to poke pencils in my ears from listening to Bianca talk. I'll come back at the end of the show and tell who won.
8:55 - It's down to Bianca and Kimberly. Since the makeover show is next week, and Bianca's a total bitch with red crazy hair, she's totally staying. Bye-bye Kimberly.
8:59 - And I'm totes right. Sorry Kim, but you need a back story. Maybe if you had been a former sexual assault victim or homeless or just memorably bitchy, but you're not. You're just another pretty face. Bon voyage!
8:04 - Heather has autism, but she's pretty. No-name other girl has been in foster care her whole life. Typical.
8:06 - Tyra actually has a heart underneath her ginormous rack. Apparently, the theme of this "cycle" is green. Tyra wants to save the world, one selfish skinny girl at a time.
8:07 - The girl from Jersey is the first one "skinny-dipping". But they're still wearing clothes.
8:08 - Tyra impressions.
8:10 - Bianca is apparently a student/stripper from NYC. Chantal is the homesick white trash girl from the South.
8:10 - ANTM takes a stand against smoking. The real models of the world are laughing hysterically. "Smoking is really ugly". But in conjunction with champers and coke, it makes you super-skinny.
8:11 - Mila is laughing at losing her hair from chemotherapy. Heartless bitch. She'll totally win.
8:12 - Chantal: "I don't know if anyone in the world has dreamt about this more than I have." Except the other 2000 girls who tried out for the show.
8:14 - Bianca looks strikingly like Brandi a la Moesha.
8:20 - Bianca looks nasty. Rotting teeth are gross.
8:21 - Write it down. Lisa from Jersey is going to be on the cover of Vogue one day. Mark her words.
8:22 - First fight of the season. I'm surprised it took so long. Oooh, Bianca said Lisa isn't going to make it because she's an exotic dancer. Lisa said if Bianca wants to take it to that f***in' level, she will take it to that f***in level, beeyotch.
8:24 - Models trying to understand autism. This is pretty funny. "So, do you see the world a different way than everyone else?" "It's like she's on a three second delay." I tend to think Heather has an advantage because she her emotions won't come into play like everyone else's, although the meanness of other will probably make her upset. I had a friend in our gifted class who had Asperger's, and she was a brilliant artist and computer whiz.
8:32 - Oops. I was taking the dog out, and I missed the "pick-out-flattering-clothes-from-Old-Navy-in-than-a-reasonable-amount-of-time challenge".
8:26 - Jaslene the Tranny's Cover Girl commercial - It's really amazing that she is still just as fierce and just as stilted as she was a year ago.
8:33 - Everyone wants to a) win, or b) continue in the competition. Heather calls her mom (who sounds very nice and supportive and sort of like my own mom).
8:39 - First elimination. Tyra's wig looks good tonight. I think she's lost a pound or two in her face. Miss J. looks like one of the cast of Fat Albert. I can't remember which one.
Chantal - everyone loves the bedroom eyes.
Jenah - has quit smoking.
Ambreal - good, wah wah
Victoria - didn't wear a lot of jewelry. Gorgeous sad shot. Called Twiggy ma'am.
Lisa the stripper - never, ever going to make the cover of Vogue. Sorry sweetie.
Mila - is wearing a nasty dress. Empty face in the pictures.
Sarah - is, according to Tyra, an actress. Since Tyra played a giant Barbie once, she knows.
Bianca - Tyra says for her to look like
The girl from Bainbridge - okay. kind of plain.
Ebony - her legs are way skinny.
Kimberly - needs to watch her "hoochiness". Apparently, "hoochify" is a verb.
Saleisha and Heather - Heather's absolutely beautiful. I love her paleness. Kind of like Dita von Teese.
The winner is Saleisha, the T-Zone girl, and she gets an Old Navy shopping spree and ad.
8:52 - Nigel says Tyra's "pretty ugly" is the distance of her eyes.
8:54 - Apparently, that was a "controversial photo shoot". This is a non-smoking cycle. Is it also a non-drinking cycle? They needed that with Lisa the crazy drunk from a few cycles ago.
8:56 - Damn it, Janet! That's the girl from GA's name! I couldn't think of it.
8:57 - It's down to Ebony and Mila. I think Mila's out because she's slightly fat and a ditz.
8:58 - I'm right. Mila's parting quote: "If you just concentrate on the positive, the negative will just go away."
*Note: "Fascinating" is the word I use when I'm inexplicably drawn to something terrible, like "Rock of Love" or "The OC".
NOTE to readers, I KNOW I posted this almost two weeks after the show, but I'm lazy/moving/still in shock.
7:12 - During The Hills, a bunch of probably fake text messages are coming from "stars" like "[bands I have never heard of]".
8:00 - "Pre-Show Royale": Am I the only one who craves Dairy Queen right now?
8:11 - L'il Mama has a blinged out pacifier. I remember this girl in high school, Kaneisha, who had a pacifier on a chain. That weirded me out too.
8:28 - Is it me or do they ask every black person whether they're buying Kanye West or Fiddy's album, but they ask the white folks what parties they've been to?
8:32 - The "Chevy Pre-Show Royal Performance" has now been hyped nine times.
8:33 - Nicole, the only named Pussycat, in a shadow box. She's apparently going to do whatever we like (except stop).
8:35 - Lil' Wayne doesn't know how to pronounce Nicole Pussycat's last name either. As my grandpa says, "Sounds German, must be a Nazi." It would be great publicity if she was suspected of being a Nazi.
8:41 - Paris' hair looks...odd. Like my grandma's before Miss Polly brushes it out.
8:43 - Kanye West from the waist up: your college roommate's fiance's groomsman. Kanye West from the waist down: wannabe mall rat.
8:50 - Again, Paris, why does your hair make me think of Doris Day?
9:00 - I'm still trying to block out the half-assed-ness of the opening act.
9:03 - Shot of Fiddy looking longingly at possibly Brit, most likely strippers. BTW, what is it with the popularity of strippers recently? I'd be very interested to see what people could do with fully-clothed Amish girls.
9:04 - Crash. and. Burn.
9:05 - Jamie Foxx is amused at the Britney vagina jokes.
9:08 - Dear Mark Ronson, will you and your perfectly-coiffed head have a baby avec moi?
9:11 - F-up or intentional? No one wants to listen to Pete Wentz talk, but at least someone's doing something about it.
9:12 - Monster Single of the Year (good grief, was anyone not nominated for this?) - Rihanna wins! What? This is a travesty!
9:14 - Apparently, Kanye is like the sun (or a basilisk), and in order to be in his presence, you have to wear little Venetian-blind sunglasses.
9:20 - Smack That w/ the Dap Kings. I like it. It makes the lyrics slightly less offensive when combined with horns.
9:22 - According to MTV, Jennifer Hudson and Robin Thicke are the new R&B royalty.
9:23 - Quadruple Threat? What kind of award is that? I guess Justin Timberlake is 4 things: singer, dancer, voice-over dude, deflowerer of opening acts.
9:26 - FOB is OOT, but Foo Fighters sound pretty good. Wait, are those the Foo Fighters? No. Yes. Back to FOB. They smash up the place. At the beginning of the set?
9:36 - Adam Levine with Mark Ronson. I would pay for a bootleg of all the Mark Ronson stuff.
9:44 - Chris Brown is like Charlie Chaplin. Or Michael Jackson.
9:56 - Male Artist - Justin Timberlake. Funny that the one person whose videos MTV wears out is asking them to play more videos. I agree. They only played Icky Thump twice, and that was an amazing video. I could use more of the "Discover and Download" videos.
9:59 - Cee-lo with Foo Fighters. The fans there look so stoked!
10:03 - Count of Mark Ronson-led MTV show-mercials - 11
10:07 - Where's Fergie? She just won. Doesn't she want to be a part of this magical night?
10:09 - Tommy Lee annoys Pamela by whistling, and by that lingering burning sensation.
10:11 - If 'Ye dives off the balcony of his suite, I will write MTV a check right now....damn.
10:17 - FOB and Gym Class Heroes with Patrick on keys. Wait, is that Brendan Urie? Why is he not dressed up as a sadistic ringmaster or something?
10:20 - They chose to show the entire song of Linkin Park? Wow. They also censored the word "noose", but only did the "half-f" censor at another point in the song. I feel like I'm literally bleeding out.
10:24 - Best Group - Sorry White Stripes. I will console you. I will hug you and bake you a peach cobbler and make it all better.
10:30 - FOB and Rihanna might be the best part of the show so far.
10:33 - Alicia Keys...needs slightly roomier pants. Note to girls everywhere: If you have junk in the trunk, do not wrap it in satin.
10:39 - Gratuitous Mark Ronson Spot No. 17
10:43 - Make that 18.
10:45 - Jamie Foxx is drunk/high, wants you to buy Kanye's CD, and is wondering who won the fight between Kid Rock/Tommy Lee. The real winner: everyone else.
10:46 - Jennifer Garner's inner monologue: "They took me away from the cutest baby in Hollywood and made me expose my perfect skin and hair to all these contaminants, and I have to just smile for 14 more minutes." and her outer monologue: Gym Class Fall OUt...what?
10:55 - Mary J. Blige just said "Fifty Cents". Dr. Dre is wearing a Superman suit, and Rihanna Barbie wins Video of the Year.
11:00 - Apparently, Kid and Tommy Lee did have a real fight, so Did present with Yung Joc. Diddy: "Stop the Violence." The rest of us: "Just stop."
11:01 - Is that Mastodon in the Foo Fighters room? Yay, Atlanta!
11:08 - The big finale...time for a muscle relaxer and a stiff drink.
I really love Stephen Colbert. If he were a real person, I would have his babies...
Atlanta's music in September is going to be, in a word, ridiculous!!!
Here's what I've got lined up as of today:
9/08 - Dave Matthews in Piedmont Park (apparently it's the biggest concert in GA's history with 70,000 people, but I've never been much for the outdoor venues, so I'll skip it, but it's going to be AWESOME, MAN!, or so I hear)
9/12 - Peter Bjorn and John - Variety Playhouse
9/13 - Andrew Bird - Variety Playhouse
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September 17
Bjork (sorry no umlaut) - 09/17 - The Fabulous Fox - I really don't care all that much for buh-jork as I call her, but the ticket was free, so she wins, irregardless.
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September 20
Fionn Regan - The Five Spot on Euclid - Irish kinda country-fried singer-songwriter (Lost Highway just cannot lose with me!!!) Pros - cheap, Irish
vs.
Brad Paisley - HiFiBuys - I know he's country, but he's so hunky and just a great guitar player/person, plus, who doesn't like "Alcohol"? Cons - outside, ew
Winner - Fionn Regan by a mile!
---------------------------------------------------------
September 21
Interpol - Tabernacle - Pros: Interpol, and umm, Liars! Cons: Hipsters and jumpy "indie" teenagers, man I am old.
vs.
Peter Frampton or Asleep at the Wheel, courtesy of Ticketmaster.
Winner - Was it even really a contest?
------------------------------------------------------------
September 22, the Toughie
Kaiser Chiefs with Datarock and the White Rabbits - Roxy - Pros: Umm, can I have a Kaiser baby? Ever since they did the AOL Interface podcast, I'm in love with them. Cons: Last time I was at the Roxy (seeing BRMC) I broke my foot (someone stepped on me, but I got to hang out with 2 cool bands, so okay).
Queens of the Stone Age - Tabernacle - Pros: Dean Fertita (former Waxwing and touring Raconteur) is one of my favorite musicians, period (and he's pretty good lookin' too) and he's a member of QOTSA now. Also, I'm a big fan of their muzak in general. I like it gritty. Cons: As Heather puts it, too bro-rock in the CBCGQ (Cute Boy ConcertGoer Quotient). Not British (I know it's not a real Con, but it counts when pitted against Kaisers).
Bob Dylan w/ Amos Lee and Elvis Costello - Arena at Gwinnet Center - Pros: It's Dylan, so you can just stop there. Cons: I've seen him twice in the last two years (once with the Racs, awesome!!!). I hate, loathe and despise Gwinnett Arena.
Winner, by a hair - Kaiser Chiefs (they're still not popular here, so I'll be able to get pretty close and wear an awesome outfit!)
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9/26 - Animal Collective - Variety Playhouse
9/27 - Dropkick Murphys - somewhere - Irish/punk rockers, right up my alley
WHEW! And to think I'm supposed to move into the big house on the 21st too. I'm probably not going to survive September.
My mom's supposed to go to Greece on this magical history tour at the end of September, but the "arthritis" in her hip's been really bad lately, so she went to the doctor. He wanted an X-ray, and apparently she has decreased blood flow to her left hip, which causes "Osteonecrosis".
Basically, bones, like muscles and skin and everything, require blood to grow and produce cells and stuff. When the blood flow to a bone is reduced, the bone tissue stops growing, and it starts to die.
What causes this? Apparently, alcoholism (not likely in my mom's case), overuse of steroids like prednisone (very likely since she grew up in the 60's with really bad allergies to everything), and injury (she's not a football player, so also not likely). My bet is on the steroids.
What fixes it? Well, the bone continues to deteriorate over time, and can spread to other bones (pelvis, femur), so they want to do a hip replacement. I'm all for doing hip replacements on older...old...elderly...geriatric (that's the word I was looking for) patients, but my mom's really young (okay, a spritely 54). If the doctor says she needs one, I'll support him/her, but I will definitely be researching other options in the mean time. A hip replacement at a younger age apparently shortens your life expectancy, and that's not cool because my mom has to live forever.
Here's the rundown of the major life events that have occurred since the end of April.
1. I've had laryngitis/mis-diagnosed bronchitis for three weeks.
2. My Nana (my dad's mom) died 6 days before Mother's Day and 7 days before her 78th birthday.
3. One of my cousins was in a motorcyle accident, and they put him in a coma.
4. Another of them is having a lump removed from her breast today.
5. Yet another cousin's six month old baby may have kidneys that don't function.
NOTE: I don't have any brothers or sisters, but all of my family (except for me, of course) live within a 20 mile radius of one another, so I'm really close to my cousins.
6. My dad is having numbness on his left side, and is having tests today to determine if he had a stroke.
I have to say, I'm ready for a drought. I'm a bit distraught about not being able to do anything about anything, and I'm very tired.
